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Saturday, October 24, 2015

Source of this post: Buzzfeed 

Let’s have an honest discussion about sex with a smaller-than-average guy.

This week’s question: 

Q: Hey,
I’m just going to dive right in here. I recently started seeing someone new, after getting out of a lengthy relationship. This guy is perfect; he’s everything I have been looking for in a relationship. A few nights ago, things started getting a little hot and heavy, and we ended up in his bedroom. The sexual tension between the two of us was huge. I had never wanted to jump someone’s bones so bad. Things were moving pretty fast; actually so fast that we skipped most of the foreplay and he was on top of me before I knew it. I had been anticipating this moment for so long, until I saw what I was working with: an extremely small penis.
I haven’t had many sexual partners, but I seem to have lucked out in the “man junk” department. This situation was totally new to me. I have never faked an orgasm like that in my life. Now, I am terrified to get in bed with him again. How do I handle his small member without ruining our sex life?

Frustrated Girlfriend

Hi, Frustrated Girlfriend! Thanks for sending your question. To help answer it, we spoke with sex expert Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of Loving Sex, and sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of The Coregasm Workout. Here’s what they had to say:

Despite all those myths and stereotypes, penis size is not the be-all and end-all of sexual satisfaction.

Let’s get this out of the way first: Penis size isn’t everything when it comes to sex. For some people, it may be a total nonissue. That’s because not everyone relies on penetration for sexual satisfaction, and actually, most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone anyway, says Berman.

That said, it’s normal to be a little caught off-guard if all of your previous sexual partners have been pretty similar, anatomically speaking, and this partner was smaller than average. And if you’re used to being with a well-endowed dude, that just might be your sexual preference — and there’s nothing wrong with that either. One study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women who have more vaginal orgasms (rather than clitoral ones) actually do prefer larger penises, probably because they enjoy penetration more.

So here’s the thing: You don’t need a bigger penis to have all of the orgasms, but it is a sexual preference just like anything else. Luckily, it sounds like his size isn’t a deal breaker and you want to be as sensitive as possible while still making sure you both have a great, fulfilling sex life, which is awesome by the way.

First, let’s talk about how small the penis actually is.

It’s not totally clear from your question exactly how small is “extremely small.” It could be a micropenis, which would be one that’s smaller than 2.05 inches flaccid or 3.35 inches stretched (according to a recent study, which defined a micropenis as less than 2.5 standard deviations from the mean). If that’s the case, penetrative sex might be difficult, but that doesn’t mean you’ll have a sucky sex life.

“There are many pleasurable and orgasmic ways to have sex that don’t require a penis, let alone one of a specific size,” says Herbenick. You might end up relying more on oral or manual stimulation or bringing in a sex toy or dildo if you’re both comfortable going there. You might want to read these stories of women who had sex with a micropenis — most of them found they were able to have awesome sex in other ways and it really wasn’t a huge deal.

Or this guy might just be slightly smaller than average, which could be the case if you’ve just been with really well-endowed partners in the past. For reference, the average erect penis is about 5 inches, according to recent research, and most penises fall within an inch or two of that, says Herbenick. If that’s the case, certain positions and techniques might make penetrative sex feel a lot better for both of you. Here are a few tips that might help:

Tip No. 1: Keep in mind that his erection may not be reaching its full potential just yet.

This is something to remember any time you have sex with someone new: Nerves, anxiety, and pressure can all do a number on a guy’s erection, which might mean he’s not getting as hard as he could be, says Herbenick. This is actually totally normal — even for young men — especially if there’s not enough foreplay.

It’s possible that as you become more comfortable with each other and have sex a few more times, you’ll find that his erections are actually stronger or longer. “Our research shows that men tend to have stronger and easier erections when they’re in relationships,” says Herbenick. And anecdotally, this is something she’s actually heard from a lot of women. The explanation is just that there are so many factors that can influence a man’s ability to achieve a full erection, and those factors can change over time. “Adult men’s penises aren’t changing in size. But there’s a chance you’ll see some change if you continue to have sex with him.”

Tip No. 2: Reducing the lubrication can help you feel more sensations.

If you’re really wet, you might not feel as much sensation with a smaller-than-average penis, says Herbenick. So maybe skip the lube with this partner. If you’re getting really wet on your own, Herbenick suggests quickly wiping your genitals with a towel/sheet/hand before penetration so that you feel more sensation.

Tip No. 3: Squeezing your pelvic floor muscles can make penetration feel more awesome.

These are the muscles that can stop your pee midstream, and they can also make sex feel better, says Berman. By squeezing them during penetration (not the whole time, but whenever you can — typically in sync with your partner’s thrusts), it can make everything feel more ~snug~ and enhance the sensations for both of you.

Tip No. 4: Try positions that allow more friction and clitoral stimulation.

With a smaller penis, you might be limited in terms of which positions work and actually feel good to both of you. It’s hard to give specific suggestions without knowing you and your partner’s anatomy and preferences, but just explore and see what works. Generally speaking, you-on-top might allow for a little more friction and clitoral contact, says Berman, while positions like spooning or rear entry might be trickier to pull off.

You may also decide that oral and manual stimulation are the way to go, and that penis-in-vagina sex just isn’t what you’re into. Incorporating more foreplay and more sexual acts can be a good way to explore what works while you’re still getting to know each other and each other’s bodies.

One more thing! Communication and honesty are crucial — but don’t put down his penis.

If you want to have better sex with this guy (and really any partner), you need to be open and honest about what feels good. That means no more fake orgasms and a lot more talking about what you want from sex.

Just… don’t say the problem is his penis size. Instead, be honest if you’d like certain positions, more oral or manual stimulation, sex toys, whatever, says Berman. Even if it ends up being an issue of sexual incompatibility, don’t blame it on his size. This is already a really sensitive issue for most men thanks to cultural standards and unrealistic body expectations — something pretty much everyone can relate to in some way or another. But as we mentioned, penis size doesn’t matter to everyone, so even if he doesn’t measure up for you, that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be someone else’s perfect fit. There’s no reason to give this guy an unnecessary complex.

The bottom line: Penis size is one small part of the equation, and it’s not mandatory for great sex.

“If this is someone [you] really see potential in and really like, then I would encourage [you] to invest in it,” says Herbenick. “And really understand that the first dozen times might just be OK as [you] work to understand each other and become more intimate.”

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Do you have a question you want answered by our sex experts? Email us at sexQs@buzzfeed.com.

Source by: Buzzfeed

Saturday, July 5, 2014

It’s been a while since we last wrote about sex positions. We got caught up with the Sexopedia series and kind of just forgot about it, but don’t worry we are back.  Earlier, we had done posts on the missionary, spooning, rear entry, standing and woman-on-top sex positions. Today we are here with a variation of the missionary – the anvil sex position.
How to do it: While it’s a variation of the missionary, it’s considered a more advanced position. The basic difference is instead of the woman’s legs on the bed; the position sees the woman’s leg on her partner’s shoulders ergo the name the Anvil. 

Pros: The position is amazing because it allows deeper penetration and allows the penis to hit the elusive G-spot. Also, the male’s pubic bone will come in contact with the clitoris for some delightful clitoral stimulation which will be like a double jackpot and should make it too hot to handle. 
Cons: This position is definitely not for everyone. Both partners need to be athletic and flexible. Holding the position is tough and many people find that they can’t hold this position for long. It can also be painful if your man’s penis is bigger than average or you have a tight vagina. A long penis might actually end up hitting the cervix instead of the G-spot which might make it more painful than pleasurable. Read more about how men can give their partners the orgasm that she deserves.

Have you tried these sex positions?

  • The butterfly

  • Magic Mountain

  • Glowing Triangle

  • On the lap
  • The 69

  • The Anvil
  • Standing

  • Thursday, June 12, 2014

    If you’re not lasting as long as you’d like to in the sack, try these proven ways to thwart an early orgasm.

    How To Have Sex For An Hour Effortlessly

    You’ve tried crunching baseball stats. You've mentally replayed your last round of golf. You've outlined the steps to making your favorite sandwich. But the more you try to slow yourself down during sex, the faster you finish—and you’re not alone.

    “Premature ejaculation is a problem that affects almost every man at some point in his life,” says Thomas J. Walsh, M.D., a urologist at the University of Washington. 

    Dr. Walsh says there are primarily two methods of dealing with your speed issues: physical and psychological treatments. While physical remedies target the sensations you feel during sex, psychological solutions address your worry, stress, or other mental factors that may explain your quick trigger, Dr. Walsh explains.

    Here, he and other experts break down a few of the most helpful techniques for dealing with premature ejaculation (PE). But be warned: Dr. Walsh recommends trying these out on your own before attempting them during sex. 

    1. Biofeedback

    In general terms, this refers to the idea that you can regulate your own neurophysiology—or the way your body responds to physical sensations, Dr. Walsh explains. While there are a lot of different types of biofeedback, he says one of the most common for treating PE is to bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all sexual or masturbatory activity until you have your excitement under control. Also known as “edging,” practicing this technique can help you teach your brain and body to better control your orgasm response, adds sex therapist Emily Morse, Ph.D. Just be sure to use a lot of lotion or lube while you practice edging to avoid chaffing yourself, she advises.

    2. The Squeeze

    If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra—the tube running along the underside of the penis, advises Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of She Comes First. The squeeze technique pushes blood out of the penis and momentarily decreases sexual tension, which represses the ejaculatory response, Kerner says. “This is another type of biofeedback, similar to edging.” Dr. Walsh adds. 

    3. Ladies First

    When you help her finish first—whether with your mouth, your fingers, or a toy—knowing she’s enjoyed an orgasm may relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling, Kerner says. 

    4. De-Sensitizers

    Like the stuff dentists slather on your gums before jamming in the needle, there are topical sprays called “local anesthetics” that you can apply to your penis to lessen the sensation and keep control, Dr. Walsh says. “When used properly, you can adjust the amount of desensitization with these sprays, and it won’t transfer to your partner,” he adds. He says some of his patients have had luck with a product called Promescent. (Dr. Walsh is in no way affiliated with the company that makes this product.) But be warned: The lack of sensation could make it difficult for you to stay erect, he says.

    5. Condom Control

    Most major condom manufacturers make extra-thick rubbers that act like a slip-on desensitizer for your member, Morse says. Look for marketing lingo like “extended pleasure” (from Trojan) or “performax” (Durex), which are fancy terms for this thicker style of condom. 

    6. Pills

    Plenty of men pop a pill to become erect. And in Europe, there are also legal drugs that can help you last longer in bed, Dr. Walsh says. The problem: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved those drugs to treat PE in the U.S. Why? “Even though trials show these drugs genuinely benefitted men with premature ejaculation, the FDA sets a very high bar for drugs used to treat non-life threatening conditions,” Dr. Walsh explains. While you could take these drugs for “off-label” uses like the treatment of PE, most of these meds are antidepressants that could lead to mood changes or other side effects—meaning they shouldn’t be used unless your performance problem is seriously affecting your life, Dr. Walsh says. He advises talking to your doctor to discuss this option. 

    7. Ask an Expert

    If you feel like you’ve tried everything without success, it may be time to discuss your problem with a sexual dysfunction specialist, Dr. Walsh says. “A lot of the treatments we’ve already discussed—edging and biofeedback—are pretty challenging techniques that a specialist can help you use effectively.” He recommends asking your doctor for a referral to a urologist, who can either treat you himself or refer you to the right person for your problem. “He or she will help you approach this practically and pragmatically,” Dr. Walsh says, adding, “It’s not about getting in touch with your inner self. It’s about learning the physical or mental mechanisms that can help you avoid PE.”
    How To Last 10-30 Minutes Longer In Bed Immediately...in 3 steps

    Wednesday, May 21, 2014

    Cosmo challenges people on the street to guess the truth behind some sexy new positions.

    Thursday, May 15, 2014

    It is easy to find the steps on How to Cure Premature Ejaculations Naturally. What can become difficult is keeping your eye in the prize. This is why some people quit right in the middle of doing these steps. This is why you need to take a look at the preparatory steps that you need to take. Here are some of the preparatory steps on How to Cure Premature Ejaculations Naturally.
    1. Be prepared for the task –In order for you to be able to do everything that you need to do which includes kicking your vices out of the door, you need to be mentally prepared for the task at hand. Admitting that you have a problem in the bedroom is very important. This will make it easier for you understand why you need to get rid of the problem which will make you more devoted to following the program that you have chosen to use. Another thing is that you should not be afraid to try different programs if the one that you are currently using does not seem to be effective.
    2. Learn about self control – Some men like to think that they have everything under control just to hide the fact that they are having problems “down there”. This is not the most advisable thing to do since it will make it seem that you don’t need to learn about self-control. You need to be aware of the different muscles in your body that you can control so that it will be easier for you to fix this problem. You can start by tensing and relaxing certain parts of your body regularly.
    3. Regulate your hormones – Hormones play a huge part in your reproductive system since they regulate everything. This is why when you are experiencing problems in your “nether regions”; you should take a look at the possibility that there is something wrong with your hormones. Always remember that the human body of a male has both male and female hormones. Any irregularities between the two can cause sexual dysfunction. This is why you need to work on making sure that the hormones are being secreted properly. You can also go to the doctor to get yourself tested for any deviations.
    4. Live a healthier life – In order for you to be able to kick this problem to the curb, you also need to get rid of your vices. Vices such as alcoholic beverages have been scientifically proven to be useless when it comes to improving the overall physicality of the human body. They bring forth nothing but toxins which can only make it harder for you to get rid of your problem. This is why you need to get rid of these things completely. If you can’t seem to get rid of these vices immediately, you can try removing them from your life slowly. This requires a lot of patience and dedication.
    5. Take a hold of the situation – Its problem like this one which can make a man lose control simply because of the fact that it is too embarrassing. Since it is too embarrassing, it is easy for one to presume that there is no light at the end of the program. This is why no matter what happens, even if your girlfriend breaks up with you because of this problem, you need to keep your head above water. This will motivate you to keep on going with the program until you see the results. However if the program that you have been using did not yield any result after weeks of usage, you should try a different program.
    6. Make Use of the Step by Step Guide on Stopping Premature Ejaculation - This is the most organic and natural program that can help fix this problem for you. This will also teach you about those emergency situations which may cause the problem to reappear again. This is why a lot of people choose this program over the others because it prevents scenarios like this one from happening when other programs just stop at teaching you about the basics of How to Cure Premature Ejaculations Naturally without even getting into the actual remedies.
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    Follow these steps on How to Cure Premature Ejaculations Naturally and you will surely be able to get rid of your problem. If you want a faster solution though, you can always skip straight to number six.
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